Thursday, March 14, 2013

Dinner Fail

Well, not any more of a mess than I usually make.  But my dinner last night was an epic fail.  I had planned to make Broccoli Parmesan Fritters and I was SO excited.  In fact, I was overly excited and in my haste to make these, I missed a key step.  Like a really key "this is going to be weird and gross if you don't do it" step.  Shocking considering I've made these before and there are only about 3 steps.  So let's see, shall we. 

Broccoli Parmesan Fritters:

1 Medium Head of Broccoli, chopped into small pieces
1 Large Egg
1/2 Cup Flour
1/3 Cup Parmesan Cheese (If you can, get the block and grate it yourself - it's so much better than the green can.  It's expensive, but it lasts a long time)
1 Clove of Garlic
Salt and Pepper
Olive Oil (or any other kind of oil you typically cook things in)

Chop the broccoli into small pieces.  I cut mine into the same size pieces that I usually do for broccoli salad.  You don't want for them to be too huge or else the fritters will end up huge.  That is, of course, assuming you don't blow it like I did. 

So here is where I went wrong.  After you chop the broccoli, you're supposed to cook it for a few minutes.  Not a lot, just until it's tender.  I have no idea why I didn't do this; I read the recipe, even the part where it says "cook the darn broccoli".  I've even made this before...and you know what I did that time.  Yep, I cooked the broccoli.  This time I didn't.  And I didn't realize it until I had mixed everything together, at which point it was too late. 

In general, the next steps look like this.  After the broccoli is steamed, put it in a bowl.  Add in the remainder of the ingredients and mix together.  You should be able to smush the broccoli down some because it is tender.  Yours will not look like this.  Yours will look vibrant and green and edible. 

After it's mixed, heat a large pan over medium heat.  Add some oil, just enough to coat the bottom of the pan and give the fritters some color. 

Being the stubborn pain in the behind that I am, I decided that I would try to make this work.  I realized that there was no way I was going to make this into individual fritters, so I just dumped it all into the pan and let it cook.  Do not do this.

Because the broccoli was raw, there wasn't enough moisture, and it just turned into a gummy mess.  And pieces of egg randomly scrambled.  I tried a piece, it was horrible.  Even Milton, who literally eats poo, wouldn't touch it.  I tossed it and made eggs instead.

Nine times out of ten, the food comes out well.  However, everyone has a few flops in their past.  Anyone have any good "I killed dinner and had to order a pizza" stories??

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